Life is not a popularity contest

For all the time I lived as though life were a popularity contest, I could write a book. It seemed a natural way to be, and I am astonished today how completely I had bought into this way of being.

In fact it's an overwhelming fact of our lives... the great majority appears to believe that our raison d'etre in life is to participate in this contest of being more popular than the next gal or guy. How this plays out then is to live in ways that look to others for approval: of what we do, how we behave, how we dress, our social and financial status etc. etc. We cease to live our lives for our own sakes, our own joy and pleasure, with abandonment, genuinely and authentically. Instead we become experts in anticipating what people around us expect us to be and we mould ourselves into fulfilling those expectations.

The system is very insidious, yet powerful, and the whole game is played very subtly and unconsciously. Before we know or realize it we lose our authentic selves and then struggle to deal with what is left - a fake version of ourselves which we start believing is the real us.

What to do to change things? As a first step allow yourself to feelthe emotions that you are constantly suppressing. Don't resort to automatic 'avoidance' behaviors such as eating, going shopping, picking up the phone to talk to someone, turning on the TV, and a host of such distraction-creating behaviors. Gently, and slowly, get to know yourself, by first getting familiar with your emotions. This will be the gateway to understanding yourself better. It is this understanding of the self that is the key to developing respect for oneself and one's real and deeper needs.

Congratulations, if you're starting this journey, on a quest to 'find' yourself - not to impress others, but only because you deserve to be known to yourself -- so that you may treat yourself better, and give yoiurself the love and care you deserve. And as always, please feel free to email me for any help in understanding any of this better or for more information on how and what to do to help yopurself.

Kiki ;-)
P.S. My request to those who 'borrow' from this blog is to please give adequate credit to the source of the borrowed information - whether me, or books and people I quote from. Thank you.