On Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an issue I struggled with a lot, and for very long. But when I discovered the psychosomatic reasons for various diseases, and the link between negative emotions and different diseases became clear to me I was pretty afraid. I realized that I needed to do a major internal overhaul if I didn't want to get saddled with minor and major health issues. I discovered that holding on to resentment hurts only us. The person who is the cause of it probably isn't even aware of our anger towards them -- and even if they were, it's possible that it's not causing them any sleepless nights. I read somewhere that resentment is like drinking poison, wanting the other person to die. How ridiculous then, this hanging on to feelings of hatred towards someone else?

So, what do we do? Here we are, with our whole life seemingly turned upside down, and a mess because of someone else - and we shouldn't even resent them? Or there may be minor slights, but slights nevertheless, when someone does or says something we take deeply to heart and are so angered and saddened by it that we believe it will forever be a part of us? Is there no justice? Aren't these others supposed to suffer as well? How dare someone come along and take away the satisfaction from us of at least hating and resenting them -- by askig us to forgive them?

Well, as always, the choice is ours. Keep wallowing in the negative emotions; develop diseases, some heavy-duty ones as well; keep the bitterness flowing; allow the toxins created by negative emotions to inhabit your cells creating mental and physical sicknesses, or then, be really good to yourself, and break away from your own circular thinking and look for solutions.

Yes, there are solutions, and with a little care and thought it is possible to liberate yourself from the vice-like clutch of the situation you locked yourself into. When stuck in such a place my advice to you would be to become very selfish. Think only of yourself and how you are harming yourself, and then for YOUR OWN SAKE ALONE do whatever it takes to move towards forgiveness. WHAT? FORGIVENESS? - I can almost hear some 'wounded' people still shout(granted you have very valid reasons for feeling thay way)? Well, my dear friends - first and foremost, FORGIVNESS ISN'T A PRIZE THAT WE IN OUR GRANDIOSITY ARE KEEPING AWAY FROM SOMEONE WE WANT TO PUNISH --that whole idea of forgiveness is passe, and a delusion. Forgiveness is something we have to offer OURSELVES... IT IS 'US' WE NEED TO FORGIVE, FOR HOLDING ON TO SUCH NEGATIVE AND POTENTIALLY DEBILITATING EMOTIONS, which may cause us untold harm. I'd like to ask you - do people who have hurt you, deserve your sacrificing your health and happiness for them? Isn't this just too crazy to believe and to do? No, you say! Yep, I was sure you'd finally get it!

But what steps must you take, you ask, to undo this knot tying you to the other person? Well, this will happen slowly, but first and foremost take your attention off the other person, and start focusing on yourself. Give yourself the love and attention that you deserve. Treat yourself as a queen, or a king -- a special someone, who merits good, and not shabby treatment. Make a little plan to take care of your Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual needs. And each time you think of the person you are having trouble forgiving, connect with the emotion thoughts of them create in you, and then slow down and breathe them out. This'll take a little while but you WILL succeed. It CAN be done -- I, and many, many others have done it, and so can you.

And one day, soon enough, you will see how liberating it was to discover that forgiveness was not about the other person at all. By keeping alive the memories of old hurts, WE are the ones who get neglected, when we give our time and attention to those who least deserve it. Wisdom lies in taking it back, to nurture, and take care of ourselves.

Kiki ;-)
P.S. My request to those who 'borrow' from this blog is to please give adequate credit to the source of the borrowed information - whether me, or books and people I quote from. Thank you.