... not in control ... what to do?

Great Question - and one that has many answers: from binge-eating, to getting mad, to stop talking to people, to being sarcastic and giving them tongue-lashings or then take the spiritual highroad with a holier than thou attitude, making others wrong, and yourself right :-)! But it doesn't have to be one of these, nevermind the great temptation :-)! There are sane and safe middlegrounds for everyday folks like us. Over time I devised a coping mechanism for myself, which I'll share here - perhaps you'll find it useful too. But first let's list a few 'moments of unexpected change', to understand how pervasive these are. To me, these might range from an unexpected change in plans; a last-minute cancellation of a planned rendez-vous; a broken promise; situations resulting from false expectations - ours or other people's; a change in our own mood, and very importantly, the commonest of experiences in everyday dealings with loved ones, friends, and acquaintences, when there may be an unexpected deadlock in an ongoing conversation or communication, and anger, animosity, negativity emerge in language or behaviour, causing us great anguish, and a sense of powerlessness and loss of control. There may be any number of variations of these themes.

So, back to the question? What can one do? Well, in such situations I turn my attention away from the person before me and focus on myself, and take stock of how I'm feeling. Try it next time, and you'll realize how awful you are feeling! Based on what I now know, instead of being reactive, I inwardly turn my attention away from the person in front of me and focus on my breathing. I gently take a deep in-breath (with my mouth closed) and start breathing out anger/frustration/irritation or whatever negative emotion it is that has gotten triggered in me. Remember to open your mouth very slightly while exhaling - and exhale long and deep, quietly, and noiselessly. I do this a few times till the 'trigger moment' passes. I'm obviously careful not to do any of this deliberately or loudly, because the idea is not to let the other person know how lousy you're feeling, and to therefore not huff and puff before them :-), but to quietly regain your own sense of control.

Before getting all caught up in how I'm going to resolve the situation more fully, with the person/people concerned, this little exercise helps me to take a step back. I pass Rumi's test - and keep my essence contained :-)! I have found that a profound experience of a lightness of being, is the rich reward of practicing these steps, in moments of unexpected change ...

Kiki ;-)